Dear Climate Alarmists: Now That The Paris Accord Is Settled, Please Grow Up Or Shut Up

  • Date: 08/06/17
  • Daniel Payne, The Federalist

Dear Climate Alarmists,

We are exhausted.

It is not easy to write a letter like this. But we, the non-alarmist community, could not put it off any longer. We have quite simply reached the end of our rope. There are things you have to hear, even if it’s painful to hear them.

For the past few decades we’ve tolerated your hysterics, your cries of doom, your augurs of ecological catastrophe, your heralding of the coming global eco-pocalypse. We rolled our eyes and patted you on the head as you went after the plastic bags and the secondhand cars and the nice bright light bulbs. We even let one of your chief clarions come within a hairsbreadth of the White House—my goodness, was that 17 years ago this fall? Time flies when you’re having fun and predicting the end of the world every seven minutes.

But now the time has come for you to grow up or shut up. One or the other. Frankly, the former would be preferable, but we’ll take the latter in a pinch, in large part because we stopped genuinely listening to you years ago. Did you know that?

We’ve still kind of put up with your endless environmental wailing, and we’ve allowed your doomsayers to make regular appearances on cable news channels, the college lecture circuit, and even network television programs. But many of us have had a discrete iPod earbud in this whole time, listening to baking podcasts and binging on Netflix while you gnashed your teeth and rent your shirts and pulled your hair. A few of us even learned to doze with our eyes open! But we’re done with this charade now. It’s time to move on.

Yes, It Was Paris

“Why?” you might be saying. “Why now? What changed your mind?” Oh, my friends, spare us the ignorance—you and we both know it was Paris.

Ah, Paris—the city of lights, la ville d’amour, paname, ma belle. It’s a beautiful place, although we suspect that from now on you may not be able to look upon it without weeping like a Frenchman. Paris, once the eponym of one of your greatest achievements, has become synonymous with one of your great humiliations. It should come as no surprise that this is where we break. You knew this was coming—don’t stand there acting surprised.

Your hysterics surrounding the United States’ withdrawal from the Paris global warming arrangement have finally driven it home for us: this isn’t working. We can’t keep pretending as if you’re making any sense or anything remotely connected to sense. We have to end this.

So we—what’s that you’re asking? “What hysterics?” Oh, please, don’t play dumb with us. We—okay. You really want to do this? Fine. This isn’t going to be pleasant, but you apparently won’t have it any other way.


Full letter

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